secondstojoin's Blog

Through cloud
right foot sustain pedal's brass shines,
no church entrance crucifix ;  foot touched by hands.
 lifted for change.

Maestro's voice agreeing
slow blues' aura, fast blues' punch
new blues' melody
shall axe minuet tidbits from the Anthem's menu. 

Suspect as a viper.

Uh uh...
Clarity; Not to manage, not unmanageable. Thanks to Lady Somethingorrather, the cartoon of the days song lifted. Doesn't make this page but wants to; wants the 1st 4 bars of Adele's voice ripened by frumpy frock sitting  in tune with her 'Melt my heart to Stone.'

When I wasn't watching a magnet dropped off my refrigerator. Dirty blonde Jesus finished with a chip on his shoulder. Not to manage, not unmanageable. No stranger to fear of trust.

Female genre rock, power pondering might inexplicably remove their socks,
 leaving naked feet exposed, vulnerable to unforeseeable elements and destiny. 

Brass untouched becomes dull, a viable alternative?

A skinny, scruffy, persian faced long haired cat outside my door, meowing loudly. Followed me down 5 flights of stairs, where and when I explained to the door woman/ superintendent the mystery. Belongs to those weird folks on the 4rth; one time it jumped off the balcony and another time was MIA for 3 days. Patted it on the head and went on my way. Later, another new combination. I trust fresh fennil.

Secrets. I must wait and see, maybe forever, maybe just until the weekend. I love the word 'fifone'. Did some basic math, 35 years if I don't lose and don't exaggerate. Need to talk to someone in the know. Bro said, don't buy the cheap pastels next time.

That voice I know. Exactly what he wanted and needed, wood like middle tone acoustic panels. Brought in by the breeze, little chickens rolling over a fire. The keys chosen by my fingers. A new combination of flavors that would have been more probable in NYC.

We should both avoid situations that make us feel uncomfortable. He said he didn't know what he could do in order for me to feel differently. I responded, you could not wash for five days in a row or pick your boogies and eat them. I also said, likewise, I'm not a witch with a big hairy wart on my nose.

He regretted not having communicated to me how important my company is to him, when he was in my company. He regretted something else too, which he couldn't articulate, but which I imagine has something to do with unpassionate narcissism masking passionate narcissism.

Narcissists can't be empathic. The fact that what is always there, appears repeatedly to just pop up now and again for him, recognizes his disability, his frustrated emotional handicap.

The last of the season stuck to my palet. A choir singing about clowns and lovers for the first time. Seized the moment of my friend behind the wheel infront of a red light, wearing a beautiful pale violet cashmere vest over a crisp, high thread count white cotton shirt, Africa!


Wind and wind, winding wind. He sent me a dinner invite for tonight or Thursday, am I free? Not from my thoughts and rhetoric. He won't like my abstract response to his simple yes or no question.

Thanks to the wind, I am more free than I was 3 days ago, or really anytime in the last 6 months. I needed to blindly forgive so did, I have, and I do. I still see the same face in the mirror but now I can sense that sometimes I smirk.

" Take that look off your face!" What look? Or else?

I don't know how I was ever capable of  flushing all my romantic dreams, at once down the toilet. It should have clogged. Instead, it gave me an intelligent response. Plumbing, the soul of civilisation.

At long last! Someone else's gruesome dark film with a predictable happy ending. Walked to the phone car bar singing Mr. Bojangles in a bunch of ways. Stale fortune cookie with a message telling me to concentrate on what's essential, which I interpret as an admonishment.
This PC that I toss ideas about men, food, music, and dreams into and probably in that order, to the wind, to the wind, which blew last night.

A friend trusts me enough.
Italy, the land where everything's a favor.
Love and prayer to dear Jimmy.
Extend thankfulness.
Forgive for yourself and human consciousness.

Their happy eyes meeting,
gotta go to be with her, again,
his soft cotton tshirt warmed
traces of marsiglia below
his neck.

She'll move in on the right hand, get pregnant, he'll continue doing what he's doing, what he does, and she'll continue not wanting him to do what he does, so he'll lie about it, and they'll live happily ever after.

On the left, the label words, that is , all the words, will meet silence. We won't work through anything, let alone hell. Intentions as vague a 3 day old pie left out. She'll get pregnant too and her wealthy family will continue to run their happy family bliss show, while he snaps photos with their camera.

One eye on abstract mathematics, the other on mystery...
songs in my head for a guy I've never met that  will listen and wears a fez.

Pale wood, just as tall but more slender than a shish-kabob stick,
impaling generosity! Attempting patience, two-thirds sink. Beep beeps, beep-beeps, beep-beeps incoming anxious messages. South American red perfume a top a local green display, on label sized, clear or black square USA plastic, accompanying medicinally distilled dizziness.

The fantasy of the morning is all lovely smells; Bergamot, tangerine blossoms, clove, jasmine, lime peel, cedar, basil, lavender, cinnamon, almond, sage, fennil, eucalyptous, wild rose, cardammon, narcissists, rosemary, hazelnut, lilies, sandalwood, mint, thyme and coffee. What am I neglecting? Pumpkin? French fresh baked croissants? Go on, go on...

'Symphonies for the hearing impaired', said my friend
as we walked toward the horizon on an old mediterranean pine tree lined path
before we arrived to a vase of pungent Lilies
at a bar outside of which I spun an empty cup around to see what was written on it
mint burning my tongue.

"I won't comment on content, probably because it is easier."
Form is easier than content, no doubt. I made a mistake though, he wasn't unconcerned, just uninspired.
He called himself a delicate rock although with me he has been neither a rock or delicate. More like toxic vapor.
I would have preferred transparency and wonder if cognition is transparent.

To another, I gave a gift; a silly, plastic car with a Goofy inside. For years anything cheap and Goofy brought him to mind. In turn he gave me a gift; a beautiful  woman's tank top with Sub Sound System written above their logo.
No matter that I wasn't the beautiful woman he had in mind when he got it.
His backlining days on the road are numbered but he didn't get back to me before midnight with his identity card number so that I could book sale airfares, he just wrote for when? in a text message.
What might occur if I go to Marrakesh alone?

Cool, refreshing, glorious,
planetary stretch reflecting,
a tender rthymic melody
embraced by the scent of moisture bleeding lava cliffs
wet clarity.

Men like women that let them feel superior, that is mistaken for manliness! No doubt it's a preferible alternative to feeling inferior, but hey, c'mon! Life ain't some pyramid scheme....

It's art.
Blessed lovely, creative, playful, and sometimes messy.

A slice of orange soaked in Italian bitter.
Skin calloused between the nail and flesh.
I cling to another sorry message.
She commented that I play so well, compared to what?
He wasn't careful of his breath in the elevator.

Scotch is a derogatory term describing fish or whisky, but neither of the two entertained nationality pride having upped or been upped elsewhere; Morocco, France, the USA.

These days I must be attentive and cautious not to allow my mind to balloon in fantasy. Like a true psychotic, when emotional pain is too deep and/or dark to face I escape to make believe situations.

Today I'll catch a train to an island where friends and family await me. The wind, others disdain will hopefully cleanse my troubles.

Finding an internet connection might be too miraculous.

Man  thunder clapped next to me.

Security tilting my head back into the space between his shoulder and chin.

A middle aged blonde cellist from elsewhere looked angry in a stoic bored fashion.

The rinse was outweighed by the soap.

Chocolate wrapped around a crunchy nut.

Perception might have played it's greatest trick on me when I was vulnerable. Am not going to fight for devotion, love not being sacrifice, but I'm not going to wither away with my dreams in a corner either.

He draws the line at maliciousness. Not baring grudges is good but not setting ourselves up for dissappointment is important too.

The feline in me wins.

Their deep purple petals are softer than baby butts.

The dried crusted bread softened, mashed in tiny tomatoes gathered that morning, I hadn't neglected the celery salt.

The progression on clavinova 5 without suspension missed acoustic subtlety.

Some figs couldn't be reached.

Chopped roadside fennil wafted above the shaved grasses.

Last January, we went to the beach instead of the hillside. Returning home we past a neighbor's morning glories which were full of seed. Filled my pockets with the buggers. They sprouted come late Spring, and I duly planted them in dirt mixed with manure at the foot of 8 slices of cut telephone pole.
They need something to wind around. It's important to note what directions winders wind too, Jasmine and Wysteria ask the same.

Magic seeds. I said, " Someday your house will become a huge violet blob from afar".
He said he would like that.
After lunch I stretched out, belly down, on the narrow flat wooden bench, the stalwart hip of the makeshift diningroom table. " Not exactly a king size bed" he noted. True, but it clarified my confusion like aesthetic  meditation in a Zen temple.
My thirst asked for quenching so I visited the spout. He was laying on his back on a big blue towel covering gravel in the sun.

Color therapy! His and her towels, I knew that a pink one was preventing the refridgerator door from closing so I grabbed it and unfolded down the mattress upon the river of plastic milk crates.

Goodbye mouse poops.

He comes in with his Linus blanket, his half of our equation, and lies beside me. In the room next door, a plastic bag crackled from every gust entering the window. Like I would to ocean waves or trucks rolling by 5 floors down, I acclimatized, then dreamt. My hyper attention to telepathy had worn me thin.

Is this what the old fart of a man wants? What he's called, 'closeness'? I want warmth.
At least he knew rising and making coffee is sexy, and that my fresh blueberry pie fantasy could be substituted by sweet ripe figs.

He'd hugged me hello and sidekissed me goodbye. His sibling standard met, I returned, hard to please and dissatisfied. Only his misplaced shield is big and bold.

Playing a ragtime progression with a sensitive melody and some complementary scale off shoots.

Rainbows are never dull.

The carcasses of rotten stuffed peppers were better off in the rubbish.

There's a sensual coolness swirling a damp cloth over the kitchen  floor with my foot.

Cherry liqueur in a chilled glass after a pizza alla diavola rang my buds.

I'm impressed at how many of the tidbits I read at this site are about psychology and relationships. Humans are deep within humans, the memory links, shared ideas and fears.

Depending on the weather tomorrow, I might see someone that I first met 27 years ago. I was 22 at the time, he was and is 5 years older than me. The only things we have in common are being human, 2 languages, mutual appreciation for plant life, good food and a certain propensity for singing outloud on occassion.

Once he asked me, why do some relationships fade out or fall apart while others continue. I figure there's something to learn, awaken, or reawaken; something that THAT person can remind us of and usually it's the acknowledgement of perspective.

Believe it was R.Pirsig who wrote something to effect of- when you get to the top of the mountain all the baggage you have, you brought. It's the first time I've felt strong enough in a month and half to see him. First time in a while, that my baggage didn't necessarily outweigh his, in my mind.

I detest his narcissism and defensiveness. I should realize this is my perspective and permit that his baggage is as prone to relief as my own.

He's called ours a tired relationship. Even though we've nothing more than friendship, our considerations of what friendship is, differ. What's the difference between manipulative and sneaky? While pondering whether or not it's in my best self interest to see him, the word 'shield' came up. He refutes intimacy but claims closeness, I don't know if he'll be able to demonstrate that he's not a total dumb-dumb so dumb dumb he could never desire to understand his relationship with the universe. That's boring. Boh, at least weather permitting we can play with the earth and eat some decent grub. I won't feel close and he won't feel intimate. He'll be right, it's a tired relationship, but he won't be happy. For narcissists, narcissistic feed is mistaken for happiness, that's what's tiresome. It's redundant, self perpetuating sabotage.

I groveled in dirt and darkness, looking for a key out of the well of misery. God darn it, I might have found it after all, the misguided belief that I'm to blame for anyone else's misgivings. I didn't and don't create the fears, I'm careful that way.

My baby in full bloom on the other side of a customs barrier carrying conviction and determination that she'll find me.

Watermelon perfume spoke through the window, carried by voices of handsome grinning fellas.

Sweet fennil root danced with softness.

Shock! A woman is speaking to me!

Found, at long last.

One of my cousin's children calls it 'ramblin''. The logical premise would be that of acknowledging indulgence, the surprise is that it serves as silver platter for everything else.

Yesterday, I had a question that I felt no one at EP could answer and so I waited in anxiety to answer the question myself.

What is a decent and considerate amount of time to wait for the arrival of love ones at Fiumicino- Leonardo da Vinci, Rome's largest intl. airport
AFTER their plane has landed?

Answer: 2 hours

I have a dodgy appointment, arg, where we might discuss who is more like a cockroach and why.

The word. He read my mind and spelled it out for me; B-I-N-G-E-I-N-G.
I knew it couldn't be binging even though my astrophysics bud couldn't spell constellation and has had me keep this crumb of the past a secret from the inner circle.

Dolphins jump in a countless manner.

I negated anticipating the day's lesson with a counter productive flavor.

The flower petal of his arm floats on the unopened carton of yesterday's milk.

Today let's celebrate half lifetimes of rebelling against the mothers of the human universe, against every vocabulary on the planet.

For those that want answers and not just indications, those who prefer the movie to the book, we're just exercising the potential of carving new pathways in our collective brains, hey baby what are your five senses gathering?

Reason is farther away than purpose. And yet, and yet, I repeat myself in a monologue to not lose the memory of dialogue overheard in a pub. We were making sense, at the time, to ourselves. Are you looking for the string linking the pearls, are you afraid it might be a chain?

Please don't stop. That book has a cute cover, even if it doesn't contain the pride of your name listed as a contributing editor.

Slackers sit and wait until the music plays at the end to read the credits.
Angels have been and are singing continuously since before time.

Seagulls clutch the scissors that cut the umbilical cord.

"Love is not a victory march, it's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah"
-Leonard Cohen

A choir sang a song they'd never sung before.
I kissed day sweat on a long warm neck.
The moss growing in the veins of tree trunk bark was as remote as the flavor of a juniper stick in a bottle of Grappa.
Two friends, like tweedle dee and tweedle dum, sat on the edge of a curb eating ice cream.
Soft sweet bread alone and filled.

Daisy said that love and sex are like bread and butter, you can hav'em alone or together.

You can have an intimate relationship with the sand on your feet, the clouds overhead, the book you're reading or what's in the fridge; with the temperature of the water, the front door.

I wonder if it takes a human to understand a human. Adopting the premise that no one can understand anything that they don't love, if there's no love, we're not understanding, can't understand anything that isn't what it is...

At 2 something a.m. my phone rang in the other room, I didn't get up to answer it. Then my other phone rang. Engaged in a brief sleepy talk, I'm happy he called.

A saltiness that otherwise might have annoyed me was considered the opposite.
Rippling gleaming fused to centralized reflection, mixed mediums.
Reminded of long forgotten pastimes of my fingers.
Friends wanting to walk then wanting to jump in the sea.
My telephone with his voice.

We about faced, redecided on the road just past the bend towards the big pool fountain overlooking the city.
Motor vroom, yay! We rolled in reverse into the available spot.

Naked men hooked only to their mobile phones.
Learning she was still there with him, in bed.

One almost says nothing but sorry lately. Another can't say sorry, believing perhaps that anger and lies were necessary to cut through emotional attachment, to revise and update a losing situation.

Number three has a wider vocabulary, knows what ideation is, learned what sentient means.

Despite, or perhaps because of my sadness, almost by mistake I said a few funny things but the laughs were greater because of the tension.

Would it be preferible to give a man a whole cake or just a slice? Hypotheticals were a reasonable alternative to anguish.

http://factoidz.com/magicians-secret-the-bunny-from-top-hat/

There are more dishes to wash than there were yesterday.
The neighborhood cacophony, voices from buildings across the way, bird calls form nearby rooftops, car engine starting, airplane overhead, truck driving on street, window opening.
Dry calloused feet curled and warmed between my bum and the sofa.
Traces of the leftover meatball I ate without a fork.
What's left behind of the tooth I need to get fixed.

I 'God bless' my friends. Mind you, I'd hardly tell God what to do.
One listened carefully when I said I've been crawling around at the bottom of the well, looking for a lost key that must be around there somewhere in the darkness.

He acknowledged that the man who I was with and the man I adored both have their magic but reminded me that I have mine too.

Still, I put my rabbit it other's hats. It's what's I know best even if it is not what is best. Familiarity.